At dawn, shouts of joy...

One may lie down weeping at nightfall,

            but at dawn there are shouts of joy. (Psalm 30)

Maybe there is something wrong with me (well, okay, there certainly is something wrong with me, but I mean one specific thing).  I seem to have an almost irrepressible drive to wake up each morning and feel ... happy ... even joyous.  Given the state of the world, given the suffering - war, poverty, racism, violence, sexism, disease, hunger - I feel guilty about this, a shallow and self-involved person.  Over the course of a day, the weight of the world comes back, pulls me to it, and the pain and outrage vibrates.  But in the morning...

... joy!

In the meantime, August flies by.

My friend Cyndy and her sister-in-law Pam stopped by for a quick visit.  (Cyndy and I worked together at SNET beginning in 1996 when I moved from Atlanta to Connecticut the first time, until 1998, when I moved back South - gosh, so long ago! - and have stayed in touch ever since, even with Cyndy's move to Florida.) The three of us visited the Rockland breakwater and walked around "downtown" Rockland.  It was good to see her.  Cyndy even made some noises about finding a summer home up here in Maine when she retires in a few years.  I say to ALL my friends:  Come on up!

One wonderful thing that has been happening lately is my grandson, Cachao's, calls.  Starting a couple of months ago he began calling me to tell me he had finished another book in the series he is writing called "Captain Booger."  Those who are parents or grandparents of young ones will hear the echo in that title of the smash hit children's series called "Captain Underpants."  Cachao has been reading that series for several years, but about a year ago he began creating his own series.  Each book is between 10 and 25 pages, with text and drawings.  On yesterday's call, Cachao read me book number 40, the first of "season 6" of the series.  Of course, over the phone I miss the drawings.  But the sound effects - the title of "season 6" is "In Space" - were outstanding!  Anyway, it is just lovely to have the home phone ring, answer it and hear my grandson's voice.  And besides reading his own creations, we chat about other things, too.  I expect to talk to him again this weekend.  The littler guy, Cello, also likes to "talk" on the phone, although I wouldn't really call the experience a "conversation" but I like to hear his voice.  And I need to pay attention, because in a blink of an eye he'll be as big as Cachao is now! (Cello is 3, Cachao is almost 8.)

Meanwhile I'm thinking about news from family and friends, which is ... like most of life I guess ... up and down.  Up - a dear young man I know, Joseph, has been offered a very good job in his field with a very good organization.  It restores my faith in the ability to have hope about young people's futures in today's world.  Down - a good friend here lost her job, and not that long after receiving a promotion.  It was a case, I think, of the management not realizing that they had promoted to management an ethical person who would actually take her job seriously and do what was right.  Apparently that was problem for them.  But to be without a job again when one is closing in on 60, to be a single parent with a mortgage ... it must be gut wrenching, particularly at a certain stage of life.  Up - my daughter tells me she found a "job," definitely not a career but it will pay something and money coming in offsets money going out.  It is one step toward the future she so dearly desires (and deserves).

Summer is not lingering in mid coast Maine - which is actually fine with me.  The nights have been cool (50's), the days mild to warm to occasionally very warm (80's), but the spiral down to fall is now apparent.  Trees have begun coloring and dropping leaves.  First to go brown seems to be the Horse Chestnut, which I recall was the very first to bear green in the spring.  But also other trees.  Here's the first red leaves on a maple around the corner:

So heading into September on Monday - also Labor Day - here's a taste of what's happening around here:

• Donuts, Coffee, Conversation, Fridays, 9 a.m. Spectrum Generations Knox Center, Rockland. $1.
• Qi Gong at Thomaston Academy, Fridays, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Chinese exercise for all ages. FMI: 354-2453.
• Free Pole Dancing Classes, Fridays, 5:30 p.m., through August, Studio V, 407 Main St., Rockland. FMI: 941-718-0847.
• Fellowship of the Spirit Step Study Group, Saturdays, 7-8 a.m., St. Margaret's Church, 95 Court St., Belfast. FMI: 505-5266.
• Meditation Group, Saturdays, 7-8 a.m., Belfast Dance Studio, 109 High St.

It is hard to decide what to choose - coffee and donuts sounds good, but free pole dancing classes?  Maybe I'll go meditate on the question and if I can't decide, join the spirit step study group to know myself better first.

Peace.

Hands up! Don't shoot!

Ferguson, Missouri - why does a city of 70,000 people need a police force with tanks and automatic rifles?   A city that is 60% black with a white mayor and 1 black person on the city council.  Oh, maybe that's why tanks and automatic rifles are needed.  Who can imagine a scenario in which an 18 year old white man would have been shot 6 times in the same circumstances - cops stopping 2 young white man walking down the middle of the street, leading to leaving one lying dead in his own blood on the street?    But, wait, hear all the voices - including Obama's - telling (black) people to calm down, to protest peacefully, violence never helps.  Someone should have told that to the cop that shot down Michael Brown.  Oh, wait, that's what Dr. King said before Selma, 50 years ago.  Oh, wait, Dr. King was shot down.  Remember Watts?  Remember Rodney King?  Remember Treyvon Martin?  

And then there is the Islamic State fka ISIS, Islamic State of Iraq and Syria.  Forced conversions to Islam or summary executions.  Selling women and children into slavery - in 2014.  

How did that "women's cigarette" brand used to advertise itself?   Virginia Slims - you've come a long way, baby!  Oh, we human beings have come a long way, ain't we baby cakes?  We used to burn people at the stake if they would not convert to Christianity.  We used to kidnap black people, lock them in the bellies of ships and sell them into slavery in the "new" world.  We used to occupy people's homeland, wipe them out, and then "negotiate" a "settlement" granting them a "reservation".  We used discriminate against people of color, against women, against gay people.   But we're way past all that now, aren't we?  Well done, human race.  God must be very happy with us these days.

That's all I have to say today, except:

"It is not incumbent upon you to complete the work, but neither are you at liberty to desist from it" (Avot 2:21) - Rabbi Tarfon.  

Wage peace.  

Summertime

Summertime, and the  living continues to be stressful.  

When I thought things at work could not be more stressful... well, let's just say, I was wrong.  I think the bottom line is that I have never learned how in the corporate environment to lay low, play games, suck up when necessary, and generally maneuver "politically" to put protecting my own (ample) butt ahead of all else.  I've never been good at that, even when it would have benefited me.  I tend to treat all people as people, rather than worrying about who is important and who not, whose bony or other ass needs to be kissed, and whose can be ignored.   I tend to think other people operate the same way.  The result - again and again I am surprised when people are willing to stab each other in the back to get an advantage or will deflect a justified criticism (oh, sorry, I should have said "will fail to take advantage of a growth opportunity") by making a personal attack.  I suppose this is a "growth opportunity" for me - to model myself after those around me so that finally, before I "retire," I too can learn to contribute by looking after number one first and always.  That may be one new trick this old dog doesn't want or just is not able to learn.  As a result, I finally do see the end of my corporate "career" in sight in the not distant future - depending on other local job possibilities, finances, etc.  I'm not sure what will come next for me or exactly when.  But life is too short to spend it like this.

Better news:  

Our friend Jon visited from California.  Once he shared his personal history of being dragged out on boats by his family where he hung over the rail and barfed, we avoided boats.  But we had a good albeit short visit - we went (for me, back) to the Farnsworth Museum, took a walk on the Rockland Breakwater, drove up Mt. Battle to see the view, shared several good meals at local restaurants, and enjoyed just catching up.  Yesterday I learned that our friend Cyndy, formerly from Connecticut and now from Florida, may come to visit toward the end of August.  Something to look forward to.  (By the way, thanks to Cyndy and others who encouraged me to keep up this blog.)

The weather has been alternately hot followed by rain followed by a typical Maine summer day followed by more hot, more rain, etc.  The garden has generally thrived from this but our radishes were a bust.  I think I failed to thin them soon enough and then let them grow too "woody".  The carrots are looking  very robust, but we haven't pulled any yet.  The grape tomatoes planted in the raised bed are thin and feeble looking. We've had a few tomatoes from them, but the plants just didn't do well.  My neighbor Melissa says Japanese beetles have been a problem for her tomatoes, so maybe for mine, too.  The one grape tomato plant I put in separately over by the side of the house is thriving.  The jalapeño peppers are finally coming in.  We've been eating cucumbers from our garden.

Locally - we made it through the Maine Lobster Festival and this weekend, the Boat, Home and Something or Other show.  We skipped the Lobster Festival and went to the Boat show  yesterday.  Best thing was a local Ukulele band that had a repertoire of 1400 songs.  You could request a song by name or call out a number.  In addition to ukuleles, their instruments included an electric bass guitar, drums (including congo drums), an electric stand-up banjo bass, a saw, a kazoo, a flute, and more that I forget.  Tonight we may go kayaking off the coast with a group in a "super moon" paddle.

Meanwhile, here's what's coming up locally - if you don't have equally exciting happenings where you live, why don't you come up and join us:

• Talk by Hope Elephants Director, 1 p.m., St. Andrews Village, Boothbay Harbor. Andrew Stewart talks about the threats elephants face in the wild. Free, space limited; RSVP: 633-0920.

• Insect Walk in Edgecomb, 1-2:30 p.m., Singing Meadow Preserve, Cross Point Road. Join entomologist Clay Kirby for an entertaining stroll in search of singing insects. FMI: bbrlt.org or 633-4818.

• "The Truth About Bats," 5 p.m., Project Puffin Visitor Center, 311 Main St., Rockland. Expert Annie Kassler gives the slidetalk about our winged allies and their critical place in the planet's ecology and global economies. With wine and cheese. Reservations: 596-5566.

• "Race, Violence, and Friendship: Mississippi, 1964 and 2014," 7 p.m., Jackson Memorial Library, Tenants Harbor. Talk by David Riley and members of his family about Freedom Summer, its voter registration drives and a reunion of activists.

Actually, this may be the most quintessentially Maine event in the Free Press this week:

Quilt Whisperer" Gives Workshop, Sat., Aug. 16, 2 p.m., Federated Church, Hyler St., Thomaston. Bonnie Dwyer shows more than 25 from her collection and explains how to determine age and care for quilts. Bring your own for her to identify. Free.

Or maybe not, maybe this one:

"How to Kill a Zombie," Fri., Aug. 15, 7 p.m. The Maine-made action-comedy makes its debut at Flagship Cinemas in Thomaston, and continues through Thurs., Aug. 21, at 1 and 7 p.m. daily. Actors from the film will attend the 7 p.m. showing Sat., Aug. 16, and participate in a Q&A after the screening.

Peace.  Soon.  Please.

Things that matter

I don't even know how to write about the past  weeks since I last wrote - and even before, since my last trip to Connecticut.  The overarching shadow over all has been stress:  stress at work, stress about taking on the treasurer role at the synagogue, stress about my daughter's life and stress about the plight of the world.

I think I may have been made gun shy about posting to (or at least about what I post to) this "blog"  during my last visit to Connecticut.  While I sat with friends one evening, personal "blogs" came to be the subject of some gentle mocking by friends.  Of course, I don't think the friends' intention was to mock me specifically - several didn't even know about this "blog" -  but nonetheless, the ribbing made me look and think with a more critical (and hesitant) eye at posting here.

I don't think I've been a poster of "I got up, and had this and this for breakfast, went to the grocery store, took a shower, ate lunch..." type posts - but on the other hand, what if I have on occasion?  Perhaps I need to remind myself that although I am pleased if/when any friends (or even others) read anything I've posted here, my main purpose for writing here is for myself (and perhaps, someday, for my children and grandchildren).  This so-called "blog" has never aimed to provide highfalutin spiritual, political or ideological commentary on the meaning of life nor is it based on the belief that anyone - even me - is interested in documenting a daily/hourly journal of my daily thoughts or activities.  

When I began here, I wanted to record what it felt like to uproot my life (yet again)  and move to a new place, and specifically THIS place - a  city of 7,500 on the coast of a largely uninhabited state (all of Maine has 1,500,000 residents; Queens, NY had more than that; even Connecticut - a much smaller state - had about 4,000,000 people), to own a house for the first time since 1977, to join a new Jewish community,  living with David, putting down roots - real roots - for the first time in my entire life, growing old here and facing whatever the rest of life brings.

If giving a sense of life here gives rise to smiles - well, good, can't we all laugh more?  For example, another example of a sequence of events from this week's Free Press calendar of events:

 •  Mutt Scrub in Boothbay Harbor, 11 a.m.-3 p.m., Two Salty Dogs, 22 Mc-Kown St. DJ Meow Meow hosts a doggie talent show at 1 p.m. Doggie Musical Chairs at noon and 2 p.m. Dog washing, raffles, treats for humans and dogs, nail trimming and face painting. Donations go to Lincoln County Animal Shelter.
• "Unleashing God: Ezekiel and the Northern Lights," 3-4:30 p.m., Old Professor's Bookshop, 99 Main St., Belfast. The free presentation is given by the Old Professor himself.
• "Front Porch and Log Cabin: The Presidents' Homes and the Presidential Image," 2 p.m., Rockland Library. Architectural historian Esley Hamilton gives the free presentation.

Perhaps conveying some idea of what it feels like to live here - like this - walking Ella at just after sunrise, through thick Maine fog.

And always, if my eyes are open, finding beauty in small things - like the dawn sun on the water, turning it golden, a flock of ducks zigging through the glowing sea, another day beginning, breathing deep, and finding hope:

Peace.

Foggy morning, vacation over...

Not a lot of time to write this morning, so I will just post some photos from our "vacation" days and the visit of the Benjamin's.  Then back to work.

 Light house at Point Clyde from where we took the ferry to Monhegan Island.

Along the way, the ferry captain slowed down so we could see Harbor Seals sunning themselves.

View from the hill on which the Monhegan Lighthouse stands, looking down at the harbor, Mañana Island behind the harbor.  The large building is the Monheban Inn.  We had lunch there.  Delicious fish tacos, spinach salad and portabello mushroom "burger".

 The Monhegan Lighthouse.

We hiked across the island (which is one square mile, but has 12 miles of trails) to the cliffs on the eastern side.  Here's the view.  Pretty spectacular.

On the cliffs, we had a visitor - this gull who plucked up some grass and seemed to want to trade it for a bite of granola bar.

Several places on the island had do-it-yourself "bulletin boards" like this, announcing events.  It is useful to know that one can find a meditation group, a yoga class, ultimate Frisbee game, inter-denomination worship, and chili contest.

 Leaving Monhegan, this is the entrance to the harbor.

And Monhegan fades into the foggy distance.

A good day.

Peace.

Weathering it...

The last couple weeks have been so overlaid with stress from work, it's even hard to remember them. As if life - including my own - is going on somewhere else than where I am.  The last couple of days, a crescendo.  (Interesting that both Helen and my neighbor, Melissa, could tell my stress level had increased more than just a normal ratchet up - Helen, just from the tone of my voice over the phone, Melissa, from how tired she said I seem.  Both right.)

The only exception, my morning walk with Ella - and any other time I get away from my desk and get to walk with her.  Even my ukulele class was not particularly relaxation-inducing because I was late for it because my boss's boss called.

Meanwhile, mid coast Maine weather has been changeable - from out right warm (80 degrees) to what I think of as more typical Maine June weather - chilly, foggy, misty - to beautiful, crystal clear late spring sunshine and 67 degrees.  Here are photos of a chilly, foggy morning last week, taken from the pier at the Aprenticeshop very early on the morning after a full moon.  It was low low tide - the lowest of the month.

See the sailboat tilting on its rudder - that's because the tide was SO low that morning!















And here is one from a crisp sunny spring morning just a day later:

Even Ella pays for my stress as my mid-day walks are being shortened or pushed later in the day.  But more than that, Ella is a stress-o-meter.  I don't need a blood pressure cuff.  I can tell if my blood pressure is elevated or I am generally stressed, because Ella goes somewhere and curls up, preferably in a small space such as under David's desk, or between the radiator, the couch and the end table.  Here is Ella, looking as ambivalent about life at that moment as I am feeling.

Ella bears all with canine patience and still finds an ability to jump up and leap in joy for the smallest good thing - like a squirrel daring to come up on our back deck, the UPS truck having the nerve to pull up across the street (who knows, what devious intent that brown truck may have - thank heavens Ella is there to warn us of its arrival!), a shared piece of cheese, a romp with a ball.

May my squirrel come soon.

Peace.

Work Stress More Stress More Work Rain and Remembering

Is it clear from the title of this post that I've been "busy" at work lately?  To clear my brain, I turn to our wonderful little local weekly paper, The Free Press, to see what other people nearby are up to in their lives.  Here's a selection from last weekend, I think:

Perennial & Herb Swap, 9-10 a.m., Spectrum Generations Coastal Community Center, 521 Main St., Damariscotta. Bring a perennial for the Center's beds. Annuals and vegetable seedlings also welcome. If you don't have plants to swap, you can buy them for $2-$6.

• Death Cafe Damariscotta, 9-10:30 a.m., Savory Maine, 11 Water St. The open group is a safe place to have a lively conversation about death. Reservations: 633-4432.

• Antique Autos at Matthews Museum, 9 a.m.-noon, Union Fairgrounds. Dozens of antique cars will be on display. With free Moxie samples. Museum admission reduced to $3 for the day.

• Henry Knox Reading Circle to Meet, 10:30 a.m.-noon, Cole House next to Montpelier Mansion, Thomaston. The book is "American Crisis: George Washington and the Dangerous Two Years After Yorktown, 1781-1783" by William M. Fowler Jr. All are welcome.

• "Retrain Your Brain to Form Healthy Habits Through Yoga and Meditation," noon. Tammy Lee gives the presentation at Camden Library, as part of its Wellness Brown Bag Lunch series.

As usual, the above is a random selection of events listed here just as they appear in the paper.  There does seem to be something for everyone.  However, one particular event that caught my eye is apparently happening today.  Too bad about work stress work more work more stress - I guess I'll be missing:

"Sugar, Sex, and Poison: Shocking Plant Secrets Caught on Camera," 1 p.m., St. Andrews Village, Boothbay Harbor. Bill Cullina, executive director of Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens, gives the talk. Free, but space is limited, so save your seat: 633-0920.

Would you call that "Plant Porn" or maybe "Plant Punk"?  Who knew?

From the ridiculous to the only too real - today  what I really want to do is remember Danny Friedman in my mind and my heart.  I look across the room from where I sit typing this and see the banjo he gifted David with - that I think possibly may have changed David's life.  He plays it every day.  He "played" banjo before Danny's banjo, but since has been "serious" about it (or at least as serious as a banjo player can be - banjos just make you smile!)  More than that, Danny gave a gift of friendship and trust and belief in David's commitment to music that made (and still makes) David glow. I think of how my own life was touched by Danny - the first person in Connecticut to welcome me, take me home to Susan and her Shabbat dinner, make me part of the family whose friendship sheltered me in difficult days, laughed with me and still reaches out to me.  Danny, may his memory continue to bless David, me and most of all, his family who must miss him so.  

Peace upon Danny's soul, and peace upon all of us who cling to this planet and hurtle through space into an unknown future.